The Drama Triangle

When high-traffic roads intersect, traffic flow is usually controlled by either traffic signals or roundabouts. Roundabouts, also called rotaries, force drivers into a one-way circular stream around a central island. Entering vehicles yield to vehicles already in the roundabout. Once you enter the roundabout, you continue around the circle until you approach your desired exit road and then exit the roundabout. This all sounds simple enough and is simple enough...once you learn the rules of the roundabout and how to get in and out of the circle. Unfortunately, there were no roundabouts where I grew up and learned to drive in Florence, Alabama. I encountered my first roundabout while driving near Boston when I was 20 years old. I got into the circle just fine, but I wasn't quite sure how to get out! I didn't know that entering drivers were supposed to yield to me (and as a practical matter, many Bostonian drivers did not yield to you if you displayed any signs of weakness...especially in my case since I also displayed Alabama license plates). So, I went round-and-round the roundabout, providing entertainment to some Bostonians and frustration to others. I was trapped! Getting nowhere! When I finally escaped and shared my roundabout experience with my native-Bostonian friends, they were quite amused. And then they taught me the written and unwritten "rules of the roundabout." After that, I actually enjoyed and became quite skilled at roundabout roulette. 

I told you the roundabout story because I think it is a good way to illustrate the Drama Triangle. I was just sitting here today trying to think of a topic for a blog...and someone called me (they were a bit distressed) and asked for help. After listening to them for a few minutes, I realized they were trapped in the Drama Triangle. And being trapped in the Drama Triangle is sort of like being trapped in a roundabout. You just need to recognize what is going on and learn a few rules for getting out and everything works out fine.

The Drama Triangle was first described by psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Karpman. The triangular model represents three highly unproductive psychological roles that people often assume in life: Victim, Persecutor and Rescuer. There is plenty of information about the Drama Triangle (also called the Karpman Triangle) on the Internet, so I will just summarize a few main points and move on to my main point of this posting.

• Victims feel powerless and are usually defensive, submissive and or manipulative. They generally feel as if they have no control over their situation and take no responsibility for it. 

• Persecutors are generally perceived as the cause of the victim's woes. They attack, criticize and are generally oppressive. 

• Rescuers ostensibly interfere on behalf of the victim. In reality, they usually increase the victim's feeling of powerlessness and enable the victim's unproductive behavior.

As you might sense by reading the role descriptions, none of these roles are productive life roles. Once players get trapped in the triangle, it is like getting trapped in a roundabout. Players often switch roles inside the triangle. For example, I think you can easily imagine how a Rescuer can get frustrated with the attitude of a Victim and lose patience with them. Then they start yelling at the Victim and morph into a Persecutor. Then the former Rescuer (now Persecutor) starts thinking, "Well, I was only trying to help and that person is being so ungrateful!" At this point, the Rescuer morphs into the role of Victim...and so on and so forth. All the players switch roles and go round and round the Triangle, if going "around" a triangle is possible. I wish Karpman had named it the Drama Roundabout, but I will not allow myself to become a Victim because he didn't. By the way, the other Bostonian drivers who were entertained by my first roundabout experience were probably outside the Triangle and the ones who were frustrated were probably inside it.  

Okay, here's my main point (and what I explained to my distressed caller today). If you want to avoid the perils of the Drama Triangle, focus on mastering three things: 

1. Become a master at Drama Triangle recognition and early detection. Know how to recognize the players and the dynamics of the triangle.
2. Know how to stay out of the Drama Triangle.
3. Accept that it is almost impossible to always stay out of the Drama Triangle (if you are a human being) and learn skills for exiting the Drama Triangle.

So, how do you best learn to do these three things? Read the 135 pages of large-font words in David Emerald's book titled The Power of Ted (estimated reading time for slow readers is only 2 hours and 15 minutes). I have read quite a bit about the Drama Triangle because of my interest in it and how it influences productivity. Emerald's little book, a very easy read, does one of the best jobs of not only explaining the Drama Triangle; it also offers some great advice on how to exit the Triangle. Learn how to convert Victims to Victors, Persecutors to Teachers and learn how to tell the difference in a Rescuer and someone who will genuinely help you and still allow you to take ownership and assume power over your situation. Even if you never get trapped in the Drama Triangle, this is good information for leader/managers, parents, spouses, etc., since many people in your circle of influence are bound to get trapped from time to time. 

I'm going to keep working on recognizing, staying out of, or getting out of the Drama Triangle. Why don't you join me!  

Special Note: To the person who asked me for more information on Crazymakers (by the way, Crazymakers are often Drama Triangle players) mentioned in a previous posting. Take a look at pages 44 - 49 of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. She does a great job of explaining these energy-draining people that you need to avoid if at all possible.

---

Chris Crouch, president of DME Training and Consulting, has spent years researching and studying both the mental and physical aspects of being productive.